FUNNY FUNNY SMS

Ratan(tata) bole- dekhun didi ei j amar nano,
didi bole bhalo tobe eto choto keno?
Ratan bole choto holeo ache darun dom,
Didi bole chepe dekhbo sotti kirokom.





** This is a Adult Jokes and  not for under 18.Funny SMS , Funny Jokes Only For Fun. All Funny SMS Collected from Various Source.

Tchr : pasive me badlo!
"bache jab sunsan jagao par jate he to hadso ko janam de hain"
stdnt : "sunsan jagao par huye haadse bacho ko janam dete hain"







** Funny SMS , Funny Jokes Only For Fun. All Funny SMS Collected from Various Source.

Monkeys and girls are same,
because they fight only for banana...

Boys and rats are same
because they always search new holes.










** Funny SMS , Funny Jokes Only For Fun. All Funny SMS Collected from Various Source.

Pathan was teaching his kid
how 2 masturbate..
Kid says - "this is gr8 fun dad!"
Pathan said - yes, n wen u get 13
u can use ur own cock









** Funny SMS , Funny Jokes Only For Fun. All Funny SMS Collected from Various Source.

May times, ppl say that d women species talk too much

but dere's no problem, bcoz d male ear is selective

Example:

wen d women say:
this house is a mess, honey
U n I need 2 clean this
Ur stuff is all on d floor
U will b without clothes
If u don't wash them NOW

The male ear only understand:

bla bla bla, honey
bla bla bla, U n I
bla bla bla, on the floor
bla bla bla, without clothes
bla bla bla, NOW!!

Naughty boy draws a penis on the black board.
Lady teacher rubs it off.
Next day he draws a bigger one & writes:
'jitna ragdogi utna bada hoga...'

Q. Bhagwan kab khus ho jate hain
A. Jab koi ladki rape ho rahi ho or o chikhti hain,
plz bhagwan ke liye chhod do..

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy.

One is to take her shopping.

The rest is 69

Boy : 2 times 2 is 4, plus 5 is nine,
I can pee in urs but u cant pee in mine.

grl : 2 times 2 is 4, plus 5 is nine,
I know ur length but ull nvr know the depth of mine.

A punjabi bra ad:
Har kudi di pehli pasand "soniya bra"
hun 6 size wich
1.small
2.medium
3.large
4.oye hoye!
5.hai o rabba!
6.oh tei maa dee!

Two unborn child in mothers womb,
saw a penis,
one told "look dad is coming"
other told "stupid, this is not dad, thats uncle..
dad never wear raincoat!"

Maa ne apni beti se poocha, "How your married life is going on?"
Beti ne sharmate huye kaha,
"It was just like the advertisement of British airways"
Jab mother ne advertisement dekhi to woh shock ho gayi
7 days a week, twice a day, both ways.

a man to shopkeeper: ek white color ka condom de na
shopkeeper: white hi kyo?
man:padosan ka pati mar gaya hai afsos karne jana hai

Q - What is the difference between hook in cricket and of bra?
A - One sends ball out of the boundary and other keeps balls within the boundary.

Girl - mom tom asked me to climb the tree.
Mom u fool, he wanted to see ur panty.
Girl - i knew so i removed my panty before climbing.

A man busy having sex. Son - dad kya kaar rahe ho?
Dad - mummy k tank mein patrol bhar raha hoon
Son - Fuel meter check karke dalo,dopaher me hi uncle tank full kar k gaya.

Gandhiji never had underwear under his dhoti,
Do u know y?Becoz he believed in " FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT"

Sambha - sardar thakur ka kya karna hai?
Gabbar - kuch neh uska haat kaa tdo aur roz 3 blue film dikhao,
woh khud tadap tadap k mar jaye ga.

Fiza remix song - Maha bub mere maha bub mere,teri bistar pe mujhe sone de,bahut dudh ( . )( . ) hai tere siney mein,mujhe daba daba k pine de.

Judge : as you are the key witness,can u tell me the exact place,wheere this man raped ur wife? Sardar : Lifted sardarni"s saree and said,here my lord.

Baccha (looking at breast): Maa ye kya hai?
Maa : Ballon baccha
Baccha : aapke itne chote aur kamwali k itne bade kyun?
Maa : Tune kab dekha?
Baccha : Jab papa hawa bhar rahe the.

Sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temptation,
putting his location in a
woman's destination.
Do you understand the explanation or do you need a

demonstration? ;)

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN: caress excite cuddle fascinate spoil kiss rub

tease pamper console worship respect & love.

HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN: blow job

A teacher asked "what part of the body goes to heaven first?"

A child replied "feet"

coz every night I see my mum with her feet in the air screaming

GOD I'M CUMIN!

BUY A SCOOTY�..
PICK UP A BEAUTY�
DRINK A FROOTY�.
TAKE HER TO OOTY�
REMOVE HER NIGHTY�
DO UR DUTY�
AFTER 9 MONTHS �
* GET A CUTY *

How To Teach Mathematics To A Girl.
1st add lips
2nd minus clothes
3rd divide legs
and then start Multiplication in the Sweetest Point.

The most difficult golf course in the world is.. "Women Hole" any style you play.. as many shots you try.. & as much perfection you have.. you can never get your balls in..!!!

How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How 2 impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer!!

Amitabh bachan in KBC

Question for 10 lac to Sardar jee

What is the colour of your wife�s underwear?

Option 1 : White

Option 2 : Grey

Option 3 : Black

Option 4 : Blue

Sardar jee : Can i phone a friend?

He took me from a bar

He took me in his car

He took my top off

He puts his lips on mine, but don�t worry:

I�m a bottle of wine!

Niple niple little star

can i suck you in my car

up above the breast so high

always milky never dry

let me touch it never shy

in the bra it will be dry

Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth
which is 6" long
and move it in and out
and wait for a white substance to come out?

Girl: y do u ask such question to me.
i cant tell such words

Boy:dont worry its tooth brush

2 men went 2 a callgirl. 1st went in and came out n said "Na my wife is better." 2nd went in and came out n said "U R right ur wife is much better.

Fair & lovely ke ad me face dikhaya
Ponds ke ad me hath dikhaya
Pentene ke ad me baal dikhaye
Phir whisper ke ad mein cheating kyun?

Girl:It�s 2 tight
Boy:Don�t worry,I�ll do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I can�t,
Gal:It�s painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
We�ll buy new WEDDING RING!

What's an average 6 inch long
Inside a guy�s pants and girls love to blow it up?
?
?
?
?
A:1000- rupee currency note.!
Always think positive

Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;-)

A couple wanted katna(Circumcision)of their son, but they dont know proper word to print, so they printed the wording :THE CUTTING CEREMONY OF FUCKING INSTRUMENTS

Lady � shoes dikhaiye. Shopkeeper :- kitne number ka ? Lady � 36 no. Shopkeeper :- shoes kya boobs pe lagani hain?

Sex ke baad aurat aadmi se boli : "tumari bansuri bahut he choti hai", Aadmi ne bola "mujhe thodi pata tha ke, town-hall mein bajani hai"

Suhagrat ko pati ne patni se pucha "kya mehsus kar rahi ho ?"
Patni = aaj tak top_up me kam chalate the aaj se life time karwa liya.

Husband:- ne sasural me biwi se : chalo sex karte hain
Biwi : nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai
Husband :- tho kya mere baap ka ghar red light area hai jo to roz
Taiyar ho jati hai.

Girls hostel me phone aaya- meena hai kya ?
Warden ne pucha-piche kya lagati hai ?
Jawab aaya-ab tho pata nahi pehle sarson ka tel lagati thi

Conductor : baccha ko ticket?
Rajsthani lady :- iko bhi lagego ke ? yo tho abaar bobo chuse hai.
Conductor:- bobo tho iko baap bhi chuse hai.
To uke bhi free me bitha lu

Ek bar girls hostel me ladkiya cycle chalate hue bahut shor macha rahi thi,Tabhi WARDEN ayi aur boli "shor kam machao nahi to cycle ki seat wapis lagwa Dungi.

Lady in bus: aapka kuchh touch ho raha hai.
Man: Oh, wo meri salary hai pocket mein.
Lady: OYE! TERI SALARY 5 MINUTES MEIN 3 GUNA BADH GAYEE?!?

Bakri Ki Jan Talwar Ke Niche,
Ladki Ki Jan Salwar Ke Niche,
Jo Chali Jaye Mat Bhago Uske Piche,
Pyar Karo Usi Se Jo Salwar Khole Khusi Se!
Best Of Luck.

Little Boy: Dad How Was I Born? Dad: Well, Son Ur Mom & I Got Together at "Yahoo". We Set up A Date Via E-Mail & Met In Cyber Cafe Ur Mom Agreed To "Download..... Data" From My "Pen Drive". Just When I Was About to "Transfer", We Realised That Non Of Us Had "Installed" A "Firewall" It Was Too Late To hit "Delete..... Nine Months Later A "Pop-up Window" Appeared Saying"You Have Got A Male" ....

Boy Ladki k Saamne Pant utarkar bola-
kya tumhare paas aisa hai?
"
"
Girl panti utarkar boli-
jinke paas aisi hoti hai unke paas inki koi kami nahi hoti.

Sardar:Will U Marry me?
Girl:Sorry I'm a Lesbian.
Sardar:"Whats Lesbian?"
Girl:"I have Sex only with Girls".
Sardar:"Maar Taali I'm also Lesbian"

Ek kunwari ladki ki petme baccha aa gaya..
Uski baap : ye kiska hain?
Ladki : papa miss call to sab hi marta tha..
pata nahi kiska receive ho gaya..!

LadyTeacher: write a sentence ending with hand.
Banta: My penis in ur hand. Teacher slapped Banta.
Santa: Sorry mam, I 4got 2 put space betwn PEN IS.

A girl goes 2 doctor n says-Doctor mere niche 1 ched aur kar do.
Doctor asked: why?
Girl : business aacha chal raha hai soch rahi hu ek branch aur khol loon.

Galib sahab par ek ladki ne peshab kar diya.
Galib :aye chanchal shokh hassena ye kaisi nadani hai?
Grl:Aap jis jheel se nikle hain,ye usi jheel ka pani hain

Q. Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata he?
A. Jab koi ladki shaadi se pehle pregnant ho jaye aur uski maa kahe,
HE BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA.

UNIVERSAL TRUTH :
When girls wear tight fittings,
Neither they are
Comfortable
Nor
Boys are comfortable�. !!

Wife to husband : ek Sand saal me 300 bar sex krta hai
Tum iska adha bhi nahi krte.
Pati : ye kaha likha ha ke wo 300 bar ek hi cow ke sath krta hai

Two prostitutes were talking:
We're in the best business in the world
Why's that then?
Well, we've got it, we sell it, and we've STILL got it!

A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector.
Friend: How was ur first night?
Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed,
200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet

Calories burnt by sex:
Lying down: 90cal
Stnding up: 492cal
Dog style: 326cal
2nd round: 824cal
Dresing up after sex while WIFE knocks at the door: 50000 cal.

Man marries deaf Girl-
He writes-We must fix a Code: If I want SEX I'll press ur left BooB-U reply by shakin my penis once for YES, or 50 times for NO....!

In lift, mans elbow accidently touch lady's breast.
man: if ur heart soft as ur breast ull forgive me.
lady: if ur cock s hard as ur elbow im in room 207.

Condom says to whisper : buddy every months u stop my business for one week
Whisper says : ahh if u make a mistake one time, I'll loose my business for 9 months.....

Oscar nomination 4 blue films r :
1 : uatr k panti so gayi aunti,
2 : hasina k dudu me pasina,
3 : pati fouz mein to biwi mouz me,
4 : ghar me shali to puri raat diwali

Nurse : khan saheb,mubarak ho,
aap ko judwa bete hue hain.
Khan : yeh to hona hi tha,
maine koshish jo dono taraf se ki thi

Lady 2 dentist: Dant nikalwane se to pregnent hona achha hai,
Dard to kam hota hai..

Destist: abhi soch lo kya karwana hai,
fir main chair usi hisab se set karu

biology teacher told all students to draw female reproductive organ.
one girl felt shy and looked down.
sardar boy shouted - mam she is copying.

Aids awareness slogan:

Cover ur stump b4 u pump
dont b silly, protect ur jelly..
AIDS is no joke
wrap b4 u poke
dont be fool
condomize ur tool... ;-)

Q: What is a kiss?

A: Very simple, its an enquiry at the top floor about the vacancy in the ground floor.

Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boyz do the thing
Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure
9 months of pain
1 day in hospital and
a junior needs a nam

KAMASUTRA says that.. sex is..

Duty- if done with ur wife..
Art- if done with ur love..
Education- if done with a virgin..
Tution- if done with ur teacher..
Job- if done with your boss/secretary..
Science- if done with a fertile lady..
Business- if done with a prostitute..
Social work - if done with ur neighbour
Charity- if done with a widow
Sacrifice- if done with ur own hand

A pole in the hole, make a new soul...